Tuesday, March 5, 2013

NRA Cookies

Dear Reader,

I apologize for my absence.  My time has been taken over by matters of politics and persuasion.  You can read about it here if you like.  One of my new activities has included spending time with members of the NRA.  Being a decent person, who likes to fix things in the kitchen, occasionally I make a little treat to bring along to these meetings.  It turns out that everyone, Radical Lefties and NRA members alike, LOVE cookies.  So today I am sharing with you my never fail NRA Cookies.  These aren't going to win you any friends among those who ideologically oppose you, but I have personally seen at least one pistol packing paranoid patriot double fisting these bad boys.  Enjoy.

NRA Cookies

You will need:

Ill-fitting jeans
2 cups flour
2 tsp salt
3/4 tsp baking soda
Carhartt Jacket
1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1 cup sugar
Concealed Carry Permit
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
12 ounces best dark or bittersweet chocolate

Preheat oven to 375.  Dump the flour, baking soda and salt into a bowl and stir it around.  Do not use your rifle or pistol for this task, as can result in clumps forming in barrel.  Beat butter until smooth, add vanilla.  For avid bakers, vanilla may be carried on your person at all times, for easy access and cookie defense, with no permit required.  Add eggs one by one, first breaking them against the side of the bowl or on the tip of a .223 - if you can find one!  Beat the eggs into the butter.  Mix the dry ingredients into the butter (have a personal aversion to calling this mixture the "wet" ingredients) then add in the chocolate.  Spoon the dough onto baking sheets in sizable chunks to make either skeet-sized cookies, or itty-bitty buckshot-sized guys.  Bake for about 10 minutes, depending on size and how chewy you like them.  Store cookies in a securely locked cookie-safe until needed to defend your home from the zombie hoard.