NRA Cookies

Dear Reader,

I apologize for my absence.  My time has been taken over by matters of politics and persuasion.  You can read about it here if you like.  One of my new activities has included spending time with members of the NRA.  Being a decent person, who likes to fix things in the kitchen, occasionally I make a little treat to bring along to these meetings.  It turns out that everyone, Radical Lefties and NRA members alike, LOVE cookies.  So today I am sharing with you my never fail NRA Cookies.  These aren't going to win you any friends among those who ideologically oppose you, but I have personally seen at least one pistol packing paranoid patriot double fisting these bad boys.  Enjoy.

NRA Cookies

You will need:

Ill-fitting jeans
2 cups flour
2 tsp salt
3/4 tsp baking soda
Carhartt Jacket
1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1 cup sugar
Concealed Carry Permit
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
12 ounces best dark or bittersweet chocolate

Preheat oven to 375.  Dump the flour, baking soda and salt into a bowl and stir it around.  Do not use your rifle or pistol for this task, as can result in clumps forming in barrel.  Beat butter until smooth, add vanilla.  For avid bakers, vanilla may be carried on your person at all times, for easy access and cookie defense, with no permit required.  Add eggs one by one, first breaking them against the side of the bowl or on the tip of a .223 - if you can find one!  Beat the eggs into the butter.  Mix the dry ingredients into the butter (have a personal aversion to calling this mixture the "wet" ingredients) then add in the chocolate.  Spoon the dough onto baking sheets in sizable chunks to make either skeet-sized cookies, or itty-bitty buckshot-sized guys.  Bake for about 10 minutes, depending on size and how chewy you like them.  Store cookies in a securely locked cookie-safe until needed to defend your home from the zombie hoard.

Ribollita for Rabble Rousers

Dear Reader,

I apologize for not having posted in so long.  I've gotten swept away by this movement for reasonable gun laws.  Here is a video I made using some local kids.  Please share it with everyone, everywhere.  And for your trouble I offer some Ribollita for Rabble Rousers.

Ribollita for Rabble Rousers

You will need:

Righteous Indignation
2 can Cannellini Beans
2 onions
3 carrots
Facebook account
3 celery stalks
3 cloves garlic
Thick skin
2 cups shredded cabbage
2 cups shredded escarole
2 cups shredded spinach
1 28 oz can plum tomatoes
Shamelessness
Fistful basil
6 cups stock
1 baguette, cubed

First, check Facebook to see what poorly spelled insults the right wing conspiracy loonies have posted on your wall.  Wonder why they don't teach grammar in bunker schools.  Place onions, carrots, celery, and garlic in food processor and chop.  Pour a healthy glug of olive oil into a large pot, and toss in vegetables.  Throw tomatoes in the processor and whiz those up, too.  When they have begun to soften, as people who underestimate you expect you to do also, add in the stock, greens, and tomatoes.  Email everyone you know to make sure they have found out who represents them in congress, that they have their phone number and email address.  Encourage- no require they call/write/email immediately or face wrath of no soup.  Add beans to pot and cook 20 minutes more.  Add bread and basil, cook ten minutes more, or just enough time to post the above video to your Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler, and then email to your entire contact list.  Eat soup.  Thank you.

Happy New Year

Dear Reader,

Happy New Year!  I've been absent for a while, busy with the holidays and unable to speak for the obscene amount of cookies being shoveled by the fistful into my mouth at all times.  I have for you, tonight, the night after New Year's Eve, the perfect cocktail to take the edge off the bummer of the end of holidays, to warm the cold toes of winter, to grow the heart of even the most devout Grinch.  And it's easy to make.  All you need is some ice, or snow.  That will do in a pinch.  And some vodka.  Pour it over the ice, wait fifteen seconds.  Be patient!  Pour in some tea, left over from breakfast perhaps.  Not hot, mind you, just some regular old tea that you brewed some time ago.  Squeeze a lemon over it.  Perhaps a sprig of mint.  Or just forgo the tea, the lemon, and the mint and drink the damn vodka.  It's a New Year, kid.  Enjoy it.

Here is something else I wrote, not food related, but definitely related to all the drinking and cookie binging.

Something Else.

xo
Heather